And when the sun popped-up today and made me open my eyes , at once I was flooded with a
question. A question which eventually
led me towards a quantitative-analysis of self.
I heard like if the sun is asking me whether i wanna live
the same life or do I wanted to set feet to somewhere else?As very usual , I slipped into the ''Deep-thought-chamber''
of my brain and so..an hour passed..
I was pulled out in the world by a high-amplitude hazardous-sound
of mumma scolding me of not getting up . She was worried about the schedule
very much.
I gathered myself and jumped off the bed acting like I have
crossed two oceans in my saltation . I stretched all-over , yawned , grabbed
the earphones and threw my-self towards daily missions..
I was listening to
the Moldy Peaches while taking bath . This band has two members only , actually
, a couple. They don’t sing usual-way , also , their lyrics are just as if some
conversation is going-on , still , They own a lovely way to express and beside
all , they are very audible..
The tea and news paper was waiting for me as I reached my
table . ‘Dainik bhaskar' , the daily hindi
newspaper was lying like a virgin there , flooded with ‘news’ with nothing new .I wondered why this newspaper would have
named so? The word ‘Bhaskar’ stands for the Sun . Remembering the SUN , without
even missing a single second , those
rumbled thoughts attacked me again!
Their question being the same , it was disgusting .I
personally avoid answering the questions as much I can. So , I tried to escape plugging-in
my earphones ,jumping over those oceans, I tuned ColdPlay’s ‘Hurts Like Heaven’.
A lot of colors were sprinkling and flowing on the roof .Color-full patterns
act alive in front of me while hearing music . I wasted myself with them
closing my eyes. A while after when I came conscious , I founded that due to
incoming SMS , silly phone had already stopped playing the song just after a
few seconds . The first thought after a nap is the thought running all the way
in our mind while napping.
I discovered that I was again in limbo possessed by a entity
so strongly . This entity had influenced me too much . I never had felt such a
strong invasion of mine through someone.This is one-of-a-kind situation I have faced till yet of feeling so captured . An act
of feeling a ‘feeling’ which is purely unconditional , like craving for a hypothetical
‘someone’.
It is quite inspiring and beautiful , but when I get deeper
in the feeling , there's an emptiness . A infinite cold night with no hope of
dawn . I shivered severely every-time I went deep beneath in it..And now , I’ve
been addicted to this shivering too!! I’ve started to be usual to the
hard-times ,to the dark corners..I’ve started hating the rain for its romance ,
the candle for the hope , the moon for it's glow , the Carfax for the four ways
and the time for its speed . This flavor of hate is like tasting the liquor , it
seems bitter in first sip , but then , you start finding it sweeter than other
things.
Meanwhile, I discovered that the screen is showing a SMS written : ‘It is
always in the beginning of some-thing that make us realize..’. “Yes indeed!” ,
I put d phone aside and didn’t even read the rest of the text , for I had got
the impulse ! “ Yes indeed ! ” I continued
to flow with the phrases..” . There was something in the beginning ! Something
perhaps which I forgotten or missed or don’t know what happened , but I
remember now , Yes Yes!!,There was once a feeling at it's best! Something
before the thunder hit the ground !
I remember , it was so beautiful until the thunder existed up there , in the sky , before hitting the Earth. For a few moments I was back again on those memo-waves.
I returned , feeling a bit lighter . I jumped-off across the
twin-oceans and crowded the corner window-place . There was a usual life out
there . Vehicles running on commands of human-hands and feet , people paranoid
of dying hungry , running for their bread . A beggar smiling at the few coins
in his palm and somewhere far , a mild melody "Allah tero naam,ishwar tero naam"..
I was captured by a thought that there is not even a single
human doing anything new with himself out there. " I will.." said I to
the invisible part of mine : "I will do the new by returning to the old state".
And soon I came to realize that I am capable of answering
the Sun now of his question . I suddenly remembered the SMS I received last
night : "Itna kyo sochta hai yaar?". I smiled , set the starving cell
to charge , pulled a chair to the window and plugged in my earphones . Sun wasn’t
there to ask anything anymore, rainy clouds were approaching the city . I sat
there smiling , starring at them , listening to the track 'Human' from band
Civil Twilight..
